“The virtue lies in the struggle, not in the prize.” - Richard M. Milnes
After doing some genealogy research, I set a goal, a two-part goal. I believed it to be an attainable goal. I laid out a plan and began to act on that plan. Every goal needs a plan.
Then my goal was hijacked. I made the mistake of telling someone my goal. There was no “can I help?” There was no “I have some resources that might be able to help, may I call them for you?” There was only one statement, “I WILL get this for you.” “I can do this.”
I appreciated the effort, but I wish I had been asked first. The person made me feel like I could not do things for myself. I have made it through most of my adult life working hard and doing things for myself. My father's greatest statement to me, which I heard many times, was “you have two feet to stand on and a head on your shoulders, now use them!” I never forgot that teaching.
When I set out to accomplish my goal, I was reminded a few times that the someone else could do it better, faster, and my methods would “be to no avail.” I said they were wrong, to let the process take place and see what happens. I had faith in the outcome. The person had no faith in ME.
When half my goal was attained by someone else, not giving me a chance or any input, it was no longer MY goal. The person had to be first to boast about accomplishing something that I had set out to do. You know, like the little kid that has to be first on the bus, or first to raise their hand in class, always wanting attention.
I was hurt and felt 'put down' and my self-esteem was damaged. I said thank you, but I did not give the excited exuberance that was wanted by the hijacker and for that I was severly chastised.
I continued to pursue the second half of my goal. I purposely did not talk about the emails and phone calls that were taking place, nor the plan that was working. When the process had time to play-out, because I am a patient person, I was surprised one day with a successful outcome. All I could think was – I'm not so dumb afterall – even though I was surely made to feel dumb by the hijacker. I had accomplished my goal. It gave me great satisfation. Satisfaction is the greatest feeling after accomplishing a goal, making a plan, and setting the plan into action. It gives a person purpose, and every person needs a purpose in life.
I learned – don't let others hijack your goals; don't let others take away your purpose in life; don't let others take away your satisfaction.
I proved “to no avail” wrong. The person is NEVER wrong, whether right or wrong – NEVER wrong. Those two important words of apology have never crossed the person's lips, and probably never will. I have been hurt by this person in the past, and those words were never forthcoming; just a moving-on like nothing happened. Well, in this case, the operative words are “moving-on.”
In the future, I will set new goals, make a plan, and set the plan in motion to achieve my goal, and then reap the satisfaction that I stood on my own two feet and kept my self-respect and self-esteem undamaged. No one will hijack my self-respect again. I feel that it is a worthy goal. I feel liberated.
Moral: always have faith in yourself. You CAN do it!
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