SMART DOGS

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

The Accountant said his dog could do better, and said, “Slide Rule, do your stuff.” Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was also good.

The Chemist said his dog could do better still, so he called his dog and said, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was great.

The Government Worker called to his dog and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff!” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home on sick leave. Everyone was speechless.

WAKE DAY

Tonight I Google'd "wake" to see if my thinking was correct, and it was. I was using "wake" to mean a celebration. I'm not Catholic, but I know what a "wake" is when someone dies.

One of my Internet sources said "eulogies are given by family and friends at wakes. Often these stories are funny and there can be a great deal of laughter (along with some tears). Think of it as a time to celebrate the deceased's life."

Therefore, LET'S HOLD A WAKE! IT'S WAKE DAY! LET'S CELEBRATE THE GREATEST DAY! THE DAY WE HAVE LONG AWAITED! Have you got my drift yet? No? Then you don't know me well enough yet!

To use an old cliche: "Elvis has left the building." GLENN BECK IS FINALLY GONE GONE GONE OFF FOX NOISE. All together now: hip-hip hurray! hip-hip hurray!

After rants, lies, and conspiracy theories on his show lost sponsors (which is a loss of revenue for Fox Noise), his ratings took a dive like a bomb. The last day of June was his final farewell show - GOOD RIDDANCE TO YOU - finally.

Beck misled the public, filled his audiences with lies, used conspiracy theories to scare people. Beck spewed propaganda and used fear mongering to brainwash his audiences into giving him so much money that now he's a millionaire. Now he doesn't have to pay much in taxes since he has achieved great financial wealth. The poor get poorer and idiots get richer, based upon lies.

When show sponsors realized the truth (after Beck called the President of the United States a racist), they began boycotting his show; thus, lost revenue for the network. Then the ratings suffered. Someone at Fox Noise finally put two and two together and said - he's got to go. Thank the heavens above. Beck's show is gone. It lived - it died.

WE ARE ALL BETTER OFF FOR IT!

LET'S CELEBRATE! IT'S WAKE DAY!